Fumbling Into Ecstasy - All Over Again

The year was 1994, and at the age of 26, I was trying not only to figure out who I was, but who women were and what makes them tick. To be honest, I'm no closer to the answer to any of those three things today than I was 14 years ago. I was just a young guy in Jersey trying to figure things out. At that point in my life, the only thing I thought Canada was good for was being the birthplace of hockey.

Then Sarah McLachlan came into my life.

Well, not her specifically, but her music. The name of the album was Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (go ahead and insert a football joke here if you'd like). I couldn't get the song "Possession" out of my head, having seen it at least twice a day on VH1. By the way, remember VH1 used to show nothing but music videos?

So I went to Tower Records to purchase the album. Now at the time, this was monumental for me because, other than Bruce Springsteen, I would always wait until an artist had at least 3 songs on a album that I had heard regularly and liked before I would go by it. A simple case of musical economics in a time before having the ability to download a single song on the internet.

I began to listen to the whole album. I listened through it the first time, and was drawn in by her voice and the detail of the music that accompanied it. I listened a second time with the lyrics, not realizing until then the absolute genius that these lyrics were. It was certainly different than anything I had experienced before.

I've gone through about 6 different versions of the disc over the years, wearing them out from constant use, always keeping the album near the top of the rotation of discs I readily listened to.

For a while, I didn't admit to my friends that I listened to this album, for some ridiculous fear of being mocked by them, with some sort of 'searching for a feminine side' teasing. But after a while, I decided I didn't care about that, because to me it is simply one of the best albums, factoring in lyrics, instrumentation, presentation, selection order, and performance, I'd ever heard.

I can just feel the winter cold blasting through the Canadian night listening to her sing. Like the first lyrics of "Ice": 'The ice is thin, come on dive in; underneath my lucid skin; the cold is lost, forgotten.' Or from "Possession": 'Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide; voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time. The night is my companion, and solitude my guide; would I spend forever here and not be satisfied...' By the way, once I heard the piano solo version of this song, snuck on the trail end of the disc, following about 40 seconds of silence after the title track ends, I have a hard time listening to the regular version.

Not since 'The River' by The Boss had the lyrics and melodies blended together so as to permanently affix themselves within my consciousness. Ever since, the albums released before Fumbling, and the ones that followed (which have been too far in between) have been must purchases for me. Yep, even in this day and age of pirating music off the net, there are but two artists and two artists that I still am willing to make full fare purchases for their music: Bruce and Sarah. Seen her live a few times, both in arenas and very small studio taping outings, and she puts on a great live show too.

She just released a second edition of 'Rarities, B-Sides and Other Stuff' this past week, and I just ordered it today, having overnighted for tomorrow. It includes her version of the Lennon/McCartney classic "Blackbird". I'll make a subsequent posting with my thoughts on the new album this weekend.

Still, every once in a while, I find myself rediscovering her music and it what it means to listen to it. Especially the Fumbling album. Because, quoting her one last time from the album's song "Elsewhere": 'I believe this heaven to no one else but me, and I'll defend it as long as I can be left here to linger in silence'.

I don't care how many writing classes you take, you can't learn that, you either have that within you or you don't.