Rocket Man Gets Blasted

Before I begin, a little aside to all you conspiracy theorists out there, and you know who WE are... credit to Lon who suggested today that on a day when members of Congress have one of the most important debates and votes they can take part in all year, having to do with whether FISA (legal illegal wiretapping of phones) will be extended, the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform scheduled the Roger Clemens Steroids Hearings today. BTW, should also be noted that Arlen Specter, forever linked to the biggest conspiracy theory of all-time with his idiotic magic bullet theory, is speaking with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell regarding the Patriots Spygate scenario.

Are these forays by our government into the business matters of professional sports leagues really necessary? And today, when all members of both houses should be present and accounted for?

That aside, what great dinner theater we were provided with this morning. Here's a brief rundown of what we learned today boys and girls, in case you missed it:
- Roger Clemens is not just a ballplayer... he's a human being too... (From "The Rocket Man" to "The Elephant Man")
- Clemens also stated clearly and sternly that, "I have never taken steroids; I have never taken HGH; I have never done anything illegal to try and gain a competitive advantage; I have never lied about taken steroids..." and he has never had sex with Monica Lewinsky either.
- Andy Pettitte is a wonderful guy and dear and caring friend of Roger's, but apparently one of the side effects of his taking HGH is the loss of hearing
- "You too can inject illegal human growth hormones into the wife of Roger Clemens in their bedroom and without his knowledge!"
- The people of Indiana (Dan Burton) and Connecticut (Christopher Shays) have elected retarded nut jobs to Congress
- According to Brian McNamee, Clemens was bleeding so badly after receiving an injection that (CAUTION, those that are squeemish should just skip to the next take) he was bleeding through his pants and it was noticed by Mike Stanton
- One day after President Bush, doing his best Mr. Mackey from South Park, essentially told an audience of African-Americans that "...lynching is bad, umkay?", we have Rep. Tom Davis (not Dr. Tom Davis the former basketball coach) equating Clemens being subjected to the hearing as, "a new definition of lynching..."
- and finally, because of all he has gone through in this terrible ordeal, Rep. Eleanor Holmes Norton feels that Roger will, "...surely (be) going to heaven." So I guess when it comes to Clemens, to paraphrase 70's disco group Tavares, "Heaven must be missing a jackass..."

Ah yes, somewhere Mike Piazza is smiling in approval.

It's a proud day for baseball. It's a proud day for sports. It must be a proud day for Bud Selig. It must be a proud day for the United States Congress.

What a freaking joke. What a waste of time. You know, in light of the way those committee members acted today, perhaps Winston Churchill said it best: "Democracy is the worst form of government...except for all the rest." Today, though, only the first part of the quote applies. It was a train wreck. It was embarrassing. And it was very entertaining.

The only thing better would have been if Barry Bonds was getting the same treatment...