None of the Above

In 1996, I was becoming more and more disenchanted by the available candidates for President of the United States. I was becoming more cynical about the process, without realizing (looking back on it now) that I was only scratching the surface.

I was led to believe that the best and the brightest were the ones who would run our country. After all, throughout school from 3rd grade to senior year, every time there was an election of officers, it was always the smart kids that ran for things. In the rare instances when a popular kid not thought to be super smart ran and won, they were simply a one-hit wonder, because they didn't realize the commitment that student government brings. Nevertheless, I naturally assumed that those kids that year-in and year-out ran student government in not only my school but numerous others would elevate themselves into politics as adults.

Sadly, this seems to have happened in only rare cases. It's no surprise considering the earnings potential for most of the smart kids in fields other than politics. But in 1996, I watched as President Clinton (who I think meant well but was betrayed by who he really was) and Robert Dole (again, someone that I think meant well but was not presidential material) lead me to a state of ambivalence.

One night, while trying to fall asleep in the days before SportsCenter was repeated over-and-over-and-over-and-over again, I was flipping through the dial when I came across an old Richard Pryor movie. It was called "Brewster's Millions". The main plot of the film was that a struggling minor league baseball player had just inherited $30 million, but would inherit $300 million if he spent all $30 million within 30 days in a waste less manner.

So one of the subplots that emerged was that Brewster became disenchanted with the local mayoral race. It was mudslinging to the hilt, and it left him as a voter with no viable choice. He wished he could choose "None of the Above". Then he got the idea of running "None of the Above" as a candidate for people to vote on instead of the two contenders. He bought television, radio, and print ad time and urged voters to take the write-in option and write-in the phrase "None of the Above". As it turned out, many of the people agreed with Brewster's position, and when election night rolled around, "None of the Above" had won by a decisive margin.

Watching the film that night gave me an idea. Rather than not voting, which to me seems like a lazy approach considering all the countries where people can't vote for their leaders at all, I decided that I would vote for "None of the Above" in that 1996 election. I actually had to write the phrase onto the ballot area that was provided.

Ever since, I have been waiting for either the Democratic Party (otherwise known as the ultra-liberal group of crybabies) and the Republican Party (otherwise known as the ultra-conservative group of thugs) to offer me a candidate I can actually vote for. Someone that has a firm group of ideals and beliefs that they stand for; someone with the intelligence to complete an actual sentence of their own without regurgitating rehearsed talking points; someone who would stand above the fray and not engage in negative politics but who would rather speak in positive tones about their own beliefs; someone who had admittedly made mistakes in their past, as all of us regular human beings had, and would not only account for them, but would explain them and make you understand their thought processes; someone who doesn't seem bought and paid for by lobbyists; someone that doesn't use the race card or military service for and/or against themselves and/or their opponents; someone who actually says what they mean and means what they say...

I'm still waiting.

This is why, for the fourth consecutive presidential election, I am casting my vote for the obvious choice. Considering the options and the current economic mess we find ourselves in, the two major parties have chosen to not put the best candidate forward to solve our problems. So, therefore, I have voted for "None of the Above", and I urge all of you to do the same.

Yep, if we are headed for economic chaos and a government system where there is no oversight of basic things that help our country be what it is, why do we need an actual person as president? Okay, we do need someone in the position, but why does it have to be a choice between these two idiots? Why does it have to be a choice between the lesser of two evils?

When legendary baseball player Babe Ruth got a salary raise in 1931, someone asked him how it felt to make more money than President Hoover. "Why not? I had a better year than he did," said the Babe. Isn't it odd that the supposed most important position in the free world pays like Derek Jeter's backup? Perhaps if we utilized a 'sports salary cap' mentality and put a ceiling on what CEO's of corporations can make in this country, they all won't be trying to make tons of jack anyway possible, regardless of the external damage caused.

And perhaps if the position of President of the United States paid more like what George Clooney gets per picture, as opposed to what a production assistant on one of his films makes, we might actually inspire better selections from the candidates-to-be pool, and be allowed to choose from the best and the brightest.

So my friends, don't be afraid, don't think you are wasting your vote, do what I did via absentee ballot already. Go to the ballot box this November, and at the bottom of the screen where there is a keypad in most ballots, or otherwise stick a pen in your shirt pocket, and be sure to type or write in the logical choice for change - NONE OF THE ABOVE!

Make them start from scratch with candidates that we can actually approve of! If you really want to have a voice, if you really want change, then tell the elephants and the donkeys and all the pundints that this is still a country of the people, by the people, and for the people.